Okay. So somehow my wish got fulfilled. The NTU rejection letter came today. Then I received the NUS email reply stating that the notification letter was mailed out on 21 May 2012. Since it has already been mailed out, the status must be updated on the site already. So I went to check. Viola, I was rejected by NUS too. So in conclusion, I got rejected by all institutions that I applied to. In chronological order(of rejection): SMU, NTU, NUS.

I'm not super upset by the rejection, but I am, Who wouldn't for goodness sake. I've got no where to go 2 months later. Everyone I know will be either mugging for A Levels or going to University, or still serving army. I don't even know if SIM will be accepting me.

It's good that I've prepared myself mentally for this. But sometimes I still let myself to let hopes rise when I see that there are still people getting their acceptance letter now. Foolish. Utterly foolish. There are no miracles in this world. Only goals that you work hard towards, then you get chances. There are no miracles. I don't believe in them anymore. There.are.no.miracles.

I am stronger than this. I have already sent in my appeals to NTU(Chinese) and NUS(Project and Facilities Management). Hope I get interviewed soon, and secure a place in there.

Dumbly, I believed that an A level result of CCE/C will still get me somewhere. Maybe 9,10 years ago. Now? Apparently not. It will get you no where. Even when you've already applied for the courses that rank in the lower portion of the grade profile. I actually believed that it will still get me somewhere. How much dumber can I get.

I admit that I always compare, and people near(proximity) or close(relations) to me will get compared. In my mind of course, with myself. I guess that's the bad thing I picked up from the paternal side of the family. Can't seem to get rid of it and I hate it. It lowers my already mediocre self esteem. It will break relationships someday. I will feel happy for myself when I do better than my cousins or other people. I will look down on myself when the reverse happens. Then I will think that they look down on me too. Whether that is true I will never know. I can't read minds.

See, I'm here berating myself. That's the only thing I'm good at. Finding fault with myself.
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On a lighter note, the latest Xiaxue post is an epic one. Good read. Controversial definitely. A very XX post I will say.

I sent an email to both NTU and NUS, asking why I still haven't receive any form of news from them. NUS said that it will take them at least 5 working days. Fine. NTU didn't have any pop-up screen after sending in the email as do NUS. However they replied me today. Surprised, but the content of the reply was totally unsatisfactory, Their reply was "You should be receiving the outcome of your application by next week" They signed of with "cheers, xxx" Cheers?! Talk about unsuitable sign offs. How long have I waited already? The reply is basically telling me to wait some more.

Ok. This post is not about the University admission crap. It's about my teeth. hahah.

Right. My teeth. I had braces done when I was in Secondary 1, 14 yo? Around there. That was because I went to the school dentist and she recommended for me to have braces done. That's not the first time I received comments for me to have braces done. The first time was during Primary 5 or 6. My mother figured I wouldn't be able to bear with the pain that comes along with braces. So I had them done only when I was in Sec1. Extremely costly process too. $4000 plus. Became a regular at the private dental clinic. Had local anesthesia injected into your gums so he can extract 2 teeth to make space for the other teeth. Had 4 extracted in total, 2 at a time. Then went on to be metal teeth girl for 4 years. In the middle of Sec 4, I am no longer metal teeth girl haha. Braces done and removed. Then the dentist gave me retainers. Those plastic kind. I think the quality of the plastic he used was really mediocre. It started cracking about 2 months later? Then it will cut my tongue. So I stopped wearing them, thinking my teeth wouldn't move much.

The hell was I wrong. They moved as if they have legs of their own. Now, 2+ years since, My teeth are crooked again. Though not as bad as before the braces, but crooked. Before I had braces, I had an..overbite you may say. Just that for my case, it's the lower jaw that is pushed out. So my lower set of teeth are outside, covering my upper set of teeth. After braces, they managed to push in my lower set of teeth. So now I don't have the overbite problem.

My problem now, other than the obviously crooked teeth, is the position of my bite. After watching the Taiwan reality show talking about teeth the other day, I've come to realise that my lower jaw is not aligned. T.T

How do you know that your jaw is aligned or not? Take a mirror. Open your mouth such that you can see both sets of your teeth. Bite down. If the line between both of your.. upper front teeth, is not aligned to the line between your 2 lower front teeth, then most likely, your jaw is not aligned. That's my theory. Cause my dentist used to tall me to bite down and tells my mother that my teeth are not aligned so my jaw moved to the left, allowing me to have a better bite.

Now, I'm actually thinking of having braces again. Which is crazy. Invisalign maybe. Which is even crazier. Considering the cost of the operation and how much money I have. I'm not planning to let my folks pay for this, They've already done their part. The first braces, and it is due to my sheer laziness, that my teeth become what they are today.

So I have decided to save enough money, and get braces/invisalign done when I grow up. I believe this is also a form of plastic surgery. Just that no plastic is inserted permanently into my body.

I'm really sick of waiting. I don't want to wait anymore. Sometimes I wish the letters from NTU and NUS will come together. The only problem is whether I will be able to handle the trauma. I am already expecting them to be rejection letters. There's no hope anymore. What day is it already?? 18th May 2012. 1 month and 18 days since application closed. All the people I know already received some form of happy news. I on the other hand am still hanging there, not knowing where I'll end up in in August or September.

 life-line

All of you have no idea what I'm going through.

Well, I just received the rejection letter from SMU, It was generated on 9 May 2012. It only reached me today. How efficient Singpost is.

That aside, yes I'm sad. I didn't even have a chance to go for an interview and they rejected me. "wish to assure you that we have assessed your application carefully". Right. I don't qualify. CCE/C wouldn't get you into SMU. Not even a chance to see their faces. It hurts still, but I'm okay. I don't really want to get into SMU anyway. No it's not a case of sour grapes. I just don't like SMU. Why I applied for SMU anyway? I don't know. I just applied to all three of them. Better try than never right. 

Truth hurts. I'll get over it. I'll keep the rejection letter in my University application file. Maybe I'll still somehow manage to become successful in life without getting into any of the Universities. Then I can look back and imagine where I'll be if I had entered Uni.

Haha. Wishful thinking. Again. When will I ever learn. 

Are there miracles in life?

Let's just think of happy things in my life right now. I need this.

1) Both my parents are still alive.
2) My brother is alive. Though I quite dislike him, I can't imagine a life without this idiot.
3) I have a loving boyfriend.
4) I am healthy. All 4 limbs present. Not blind though I'm severely myopic. Can hear. Can talk.
5) I have never had any ulcer in my life up till now.
6) I am (to a certain extend) an intelligent being.
7) I have a laptop, iPhone, iPod nano, aircon, king koil 4 star bed.
8) Average family income.
9) Have enough money in my bank for people my age.
10) Am going Harry Potter exhibition at Marina Bay Sands this 3rd June. My birthday.

Okay. :)

Went to check my NUS application using iPhone. The web page didn't log me in. Said that it's an invalid account. Scared the hell out of me. On the computer and checked. Thank god. It logged me in. Thank goodness. I thought something happened. They cancelled my application or something. We can't check using iPhone? I've been doing that quite frequently though. But for the past few days I can't login using phone.

I need some laughing medicine.